Breakup Recovery: What Actually Helps

What actually helps:

No contact. (Yes, really.)

Every text, every check of their social media, every "casual" interaction with your ex low-key resets your brain's healing. You're giving yourself another hit of the drug.

You can't heal what you keep reopening.

Block. Mute. Delete the texts. Even hand your phone to a friend if you have to.

Sit with the feelings - they’ll pass by faster.

Feelings are normal when it comes to… anything, but breakups for sure! The tightness in your chest? The knot in your stomach? The panic that feels like it’ll never end each time your phone dings? Maybe your feeling sadness, anger, guilt… Here’s what we know that your anxiety doesn’t… emotions only last 90 seconds in your body. I know it can feel like a lifetime when you’re sitting in the feeling but emotions usually peak in 20-30 seconds and naturally subside within about 90 seconds… if you let it.

Give it time. Usually 2-3 months before the intrusive thoughts start to fade. Longer if it was a longer-term relationship or a trauma bond.

Stop asking "why?"

You will never get a satisfying answer. Even if they gave you one, you'd still have questions and even the most well meaning people rarely tell the full and honest truth in breakups. They may not even have an answer.

You do not need the other person for closure!! Closure isn't something they give you. It's something you give yourself: It's over. I don't need to understand everything. I'm moving forward anyway.

Understand how your attachment patterns are showing up.

Anxious attachment? You're probably ruminating, seeking answers, wanting one more conversation.

Avoidant attachment? You might be numb, already moving on, telling yourself you're fine when you're not.

Disorganized? You might be cycling between "I need them back" and "I never want to see them again."

Your attachment pattern affects how you grieve the loss of this person. Knowing that helps.