The UnPattern Method
Five Pillars to Break the Cycle
Stop repeating. Start UnPatterning.
The 5 Pillars
1 — Pattern Recognition
"See Your Story"
Understand your attachment style and recurring patterns—not just conceptually, but in your actual behavior.
The Pattern Map
2 — Identity Architecture
"Know Your Non-Negotiables"
Build a clear sense of self and define what you actually want (not what looks good on paper).
The Identity Audit
3 — Communication Competency
"Say What You Mean"
Express needs, set boundaries, and have hard conversations without ghosting or exploding.
The Clarity Script
4 — Emotional Regulation
"Feel Without Falling Apart"
Navigate difficult emotions without making reactive decisions or abandoning yourself.
The Pause Protocol
5 — Integrity in Action
"Walk Your Talk"
Align behavior with values and show up consistently—even when it's uncomfortable.
The Integrity Inventory
The Foundation
Sequential but cyclical—you’ll revisit pillars as you grow
The QuizThe 6 Dating Patterns
Which Pattern Are You? Take the Quiz to find out!
Everyone has a pattern. The question is: do you know yours?
Take the quiz to find out which dating pattern is running your love life —then learn exactly which of the UnPattern pillars (above) you need to break the cycle.
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Different face, same story
You genuinely don't understand why you keep ending up in the same relationship. Spoiler: You can't see your pattern.
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One unreturned text away from a full spiral
You're constantly on high alert in relationships. You're not crazy—you're just operating from a place of constant fear that they're about to leave.
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Hard conversations? You'd rather vanish into thin air
You're allergic to discomfort. DTR talks, conflict, vulnerability—you'd rather disappear than deal with any of it.
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You are whoever they need you to be
Your sense of self is... negotiable. You morph into their perfect partner, then wonder why nothing feels right.
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You want what you refuse to give
You preach emotional availability while being emotionally unavailable. You want honesty while keeping things vague. You're a walking contradiction.
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You've done the work. Now go find someone who matches your energy.
You know yourself, communicate well, regulate your emotions, and show up with integrity. Congrats—you're the unicorn everyone's working toward.
Explore the dating patterns
🔁 The Repeat Offender
"Different person, same story"
Needs: Pattern Recognition
Your Pattern:
You can't figure out why you keep ending up in the same situation. You're on autopilot, repeating patterns you can't see.
Common Behaviors:
→ Keep dating the same "type" of person
→ Have the same fight in every relationship
→ Can't see your role in the pattern
→ Blame bad luck or "there's no one good out there"
🎯 Focus On These Pillars:
Pillar 1: Pattern Recognition
Pillar 2: Identity Architecture
Pillar 4: Emotional Regulation
👻 The Ghost
"I need space (forever)"
Needs: Communication Competency
Your Pattern:
You disappear when things get real.
Conflict? Hard conversations? Nope.
You'd rather vanish than face discomfort.
Common Behaviors:
→ Slow fade instead of breaking up
→ Leave people on read for days
→ Shut down during conflict
→ Avoid "what are we?" conversations
🎯 Focus On These Pillars:
Pillar 3: Communication
Pillar 4: Emotional Regulation
Pillar 5: Integrity in Action
😰 The Anxious Overthinker
"But what did that text mean?"
Needs: Emotional Regulation
Your Pattern:
You spiral over everything. Every delay is abandonment. Every "K" is rejection. You need constant reassurance that never feels like enough.
Common Behaviors:
→ Check their location/social media constantly
→ Write and delete 47 different texts
→ Panic when they don't respond immediately
→ Abandon yourself to keep them happy
🎯 Focus On These Pillars:
Pillar 4: Emotional Regulation
Pillar 2: Identity Architecture
Pillar 3: Communication
🎭 The Disconnected
"Do as I say, not as I do"
Needs: Integrity in Action
Your Pattern:
Your words and actions don't match. You want what you won't give. You hold others to standards you don't meet yourself.
Common Behaviors:
→ Demand honesty but hide things
→ Want commitment but keep options open
→ Complain they don't text back (while not texting back)
→ See others' flaws but not your own
🎯 Focus On These Pillars:
Pillar 5: Integrity in Action
Pillar 1: Pattern Recognition
Pillar 2: Identity Architecture
🦎 The Chameleon
"Who am I again?"
Needs: Identity Architecture
Your Pattern:
You become whoever they need. Your sense of self is... negotiable. You don't know who you are outside of being wanted.
Common Behaviors:
→ Morph interests to match your partner's
→ Suppress your own needs constantly
→ Can't answer "what do YOU want?"
→ Partners say they don't know the "real you"
🎯 Focus On These Pillars:
Pillar 2: Identity Architecture
Pillar 3: Communication
Pillar 5: Integrity in Action
✨ The Secure
"We can work through this"
Goal: Earned Through Work
Your Pattern:
You're comfortable with both intimacy and independence. You communicate needs without drama. This is the goal—earned through consistent work.
Common Behaviors:
→ Handle conflict without spiraling
→ Don't lose yourself in relationships
→ Choose compatibility over chemistry
→ Consistent and emotionally available
🎯 Maintain With These Pillars:
Pillar 5: Integrity in Action
Pillar 2: Identity Architecture
Pillar 1: Pattern Recognition
