Meet the Psychologist Behind UnPattern.
—I help high‑achievers stop repeating painful relationship patterns and start choosing partners from self‑trust instead of anxiety.
I’m Dr. Lindsay O’Shea, a Clinical Psychologist, former matchmaker and date coach, and the founder of UnPattern. For nearly 20 years, I’ve helped hundreds of people move from anxious, confusing dynamics into relationships—and solo seasons—that feel stable, honest, and calm.
I’ve sat on every side of the table: helping people heal in therapy, helping them date as a coach and matchmaker, and consulting with dating apps behind the scenes. What I’ve seen again and again is that people don’t actually need more dating tricks; they need emotional clarity and a practical framework they can use in the exact moments they usually spiral.
This isn't about finding "the one." It's about becoming the one—for yourself.
That’s self-actualization. And I’m here to help you get there.
Unsure of where to start? Take the quiz below to begin your journey.
The “before” I see in my clients:
If you overthink every text, replay conversations for days, or feel like you’re always the one trying harder, you’re not “too much”—you’re caught in a pattern that can be changed. Maybe you’re heartbroken from a fresh breakup, stuck in a situationship that never quite becomes what you want, or in a relationship where you’ve slowly lost yourself. Maybe you’re single and successful in most areas, but love still feels confusing, chaotic, or like the one place you can’t quite “figure out.”
My work is about giving you language for what’s happening, tools to calm your body and nervous system, and a path forward that feels grounded and doable—not like you’re trying to become a different person overnight.
How UnPattern was born:
Throughout my research and countless conversations with clients, daters, and even dating app teams, I realized something simple but game‑changing: insight alone doesn’t change your patterns. You can understand exactly why you’re drawn to emotionally unavailable partners and still find yourself sending the same anxious text, saying yes when you mean no, or going back to what hurts.
UnPattern grew out of that gap. It’s a psychology‑informed framework designed to interrupt your relational patterns in real time, so you can choose differently in the moments that actually count—when you’re triggered, tempted, or on the verge of repeating an old dynamic.
The UnPattern framework:
At the core of my work is a simple process: Recognize → Regulate → Rehearse → Relate differently.
Recognize what’s actually going on—your repeating patterns, triggers, and the stories you tell yourself about love and your role in relationships.
Regulate your nervous system so you’re not texting, chasing, shutting down, or people‑pleasing from panic.
Rehearse new responses in a low‑stakes way so they’re available to you when you’re activated, not just when you’re journaling calmly.
Relate differently in real life—on dates, in conflict, in your solo season—from self‑trust instead of fear, urgency, or autopilot.
This work isn’t about perfection. It’s about building self‑trust, emotional steadiness, and real choice across dating, relationships, breakups, and solo seasons.
How We Can Work Together
Stop Repeating Patterns. Start Understanding Yourself.
On your Pattern Breakthrough Call, we map out your patterns and your next right steps, then decide together what level of support fits best.
Thrivig Solo Group Coaching Programs
A live 6-week, Psychologist-led group coaching to unpack your patterns, strengthen self-trust, and apply new skills in real time as you build a life that doesn’t revolve around waiting for a partner.
Choose this if you want depth, accountability, and a clear framework for sustainable change.
Individual Therapy
Deep, ultra-personalized work to process past experiences and trauma and transform your life from the inside out.
Available for clients in CA, UT, and CO.
Choose this is you need clinical support alongside relational change.
Individual Coaching Programs
One-on-one support to map out your life, unpack your patterns, and apply new skills in real time as you date, heal or reset in a relationship.
Choose this if you want future-focused work, structure, accountability, and in-the-moment guidance.
If this is you, you’re in the right place:
You just went through a breakup and are questioning everything.
You’re stuck in an almost‑relationship or situationship that never quite becomes what you want.
You keep attracting emotionally unavailable partners—even though you “know better.”
You’re in a relationship but walk on eggshells or feel like you’ve lost yourself.
You’re single and successful in most areas, but love still feels confusing or chaotic.
You don’t have to keep doing this alone. I’m here to be the steady, grounded partner on your side while you find your partner—and yourself.
The Complete Transformation
What happens when you work with Dr. Lindsay towards building a life you LOVE?
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🎯 Clarity
Know exactly what you want—and what you won’t tolerate—in relationships
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🛡️ Boundaries
Set them clearly, hold them consistently, without guilt or over-explaining
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💪 Confidence
An unshakeable sense of self that doesn’t waver based on someone’s interest
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🧘 Emotional Mastery
Feel deeply without making impulsive, regrettable decisions
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🗣️ Authentic Communication
Express needs, desires, and boundaries with clarity and confidence
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🔁 Pattern Breaking
Stop repeating the same relationship dynamics over and over
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🤝 Secure Attachment
Move toward earned secure attachment and healthier relationship patterns
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✨ Self-Trust
Building the foundation that changes everything else – hear yourself clearly, advocate for your needs, and choose better for yourself.
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🌟 All Relationships
When you strengthen your relationship with yourself, every other relationship changes—with partners, friends, family, and your future self.
Masters Thesis: How Social Media Messes with Your Love Life
Ever scroll Instagram wondering why everyone else's relationships look perfect while yours feels complicated? My research revealed something crucial: the more we compare our love lives online, the worse we feel about them.
Plot twist? What you're seeing isn't real—it's a highlight reel. And if you have an anxious or avoidant attachment style, social media comparison hits even harder, amplifying fears that you're not enough or making commitment feel impossible.
The bottom line: Stop comparing your behind-the-scenes to someone else's curated feed. Understanding how your attachment style interacts with social media is the first step to building confidence in your relationships—or fully owning your single life.
Research Expertise in Love and Life
Dissertation: Why Dating Feels Impossible (Spoiler: It's Not You)
Modern dating feels like a confusing maze of ghosting, mixed signals, and endless swiping. My research explored why—and here's the truth: dating isn't broken. How we've been taught to approach it is.
We repeat patterns without realizing it. Dating apps fuel comparison and insecurity. And while everyone blames hookup culture for ruining romance, the real culprits are emotional unavailability, unclear intentions, and fear of vulnerability.
Here's the good news: You're not "bad at relationships." You just haven't learned how to build secure, fulfilling connections. Once you understand your patterns and attachment style, you can break the cycle—whether you're seeking partnership or thriving solo.
Frequently Asked Questions
Are You Accepting New Clients?
What is the difference between therapy and coaching?
Yes—availability varies by service and state. I accept a limited number of new clients at a time to ensure quality care. Availability changes, so the best way to is to schedule a clarity call and we can see if we’re a good fit to get started!
This is a very common question! In addition to my PhD in Clinical Psychology, I also have a coaching certificate and can assist at whichever level you’re ready for.
Coaching meetings are psychology-informed, structured, focused, and practical. We apply the UnPattern framework to your life to clearly identify patterns, and apply insight to real-time choices. This is intentional coaching focused on the present and future to help propel you into change.
Therapy sessions create a safe space to process emotions, heal from past wounds understand yourself on a deep level, and provides mental health treatment. We aim to understand the past, explore the present and build a future that feels uniquely individualized to you. Therapy is only available in California, Colorado, and Utah as those are the states that I hold licenses in.
How do I chose a Therapist or Coach?
Schedule a quick clarity call to connect and notice how you feel talking to that person. Finding a therapist or coach that you vibe with is one of the most significant factors in reaching your goals and having a good experience.
Schedule a clarity call and let’s see if we’re a good fit to help you on your journey.
Do you offer Telehealth or In-Person?
Both, as well as a hybrid option. My physical office is in Cardiff-By-The-Sea in San Diego, California - if you’re in the area, in person meetings are a great option.
Telehealth is a great option for those outside of the area. While I can only see therapy clients within California, Colorado and Utah, coaching provides more flexibility and extends to all states.
Schedule a Free Clarity Call
UnPattern is a psychology-informed, educational program.
It is not psychotherapy and does not provide diagnosis, treatment, or mental health care.
Participation does not create a psychologist–patient relationship.
If you are experiencing significant emotional distress or require clinical support, please seek care from a licensed mental health professional.
If you are in crisis or need immediate support:
Call 911 or go to the nearest emergency room
Call or text 988 — Suicide & Crisis Lifeline
Text HOME to 741741 — Crisis Text Line