Why You Keep Dating the Same Person with Different Faces
Understanding your attachment style isn't about labeling yourself. It's about seeing the invisible patterns that have been running your relationships... and your life.
Does this sound familiar?
Different name. Different job. Different Netflix preferences. But somehow, three months in, you're having the exact same fight you had with your ex. Or they're pulling away in the exact same way. Or you're overthinking the same text message patterns.
Here’s what’s actually happening:
You're not attracting "the wrong people." You're unconsciously drawn to people who feel familiar—and familiarity isn't the same thing as healthy.
You're Not Broken. You're Just Running on Old Code.
Your attachment style formed in childhood based on how your caregivers responded to your needs. It's basically your nervous system's best guess at "how to get love and stay safe" based on early data. None of this is your fault. But it is your responsibility to change it.
The problem? That code is still running—even though you're not five years old anymore.
At UnPattern, we’re not about “blaming the parents.” We believe everyone does the best they can with what they have to offer… but sometimes you still need to unlearn and relearn certain ways of moving through the world that were once helpful but aren’t anymore.
YOUR ATTACHMENT STYLE CAN BE A SUPERPOWER… IF YOU KNOW HOW TO USE IT!
It’s helpful information - Learn to work with your Attachment Style, not against it. Don’t worry, we can teach you how.
The Four Attachment Styles
Remember, it’s just information to build your personal Superpower!
Work with your Attachment Style, Not Against It
Understanding your attachment style isn't about labeling yourself. It's about seeing the invisible patterns that have been running your relationships…. and your life.
When you know your style, you can:
Most people know they have "trust issues" or "commitment problems"—but they don't know why.
Once you see the pattern, you can't unsee it. And that's when real change becomes possible.
The QuizThe Attachment Style Quiz
It's not bad luck. It's your attachment style—and it's running on autopilot.
Frequently Asked Questions
-
Your attachment style is an unconscious pattern that shapes how you connect (or don't connect) in relationships. Formed in childhood, it's the reason you keep attracting unavailable people, sabotaging good things, or feeling anxious when someone actually likes you back.
-
Because you're not actually choosing them randomly. Your attachment style acts like a relationship magnet, unconsciously attracting people who recreate familiar dynamics—even when those dynamics don’t feel good.
-
Yes! Attachment styles aren't permanent. That’s where Dr. Lindsay comes in… With awareness and intentional practice, you can shift from insecure to “earned secure.” But first, you need to know which pattern you're running.
-
There are four main attachment styles:
Anxious Attachment: You seek validation, fear abandonment, and mistake anxiety for chemistry
Avoidant Attachment: You pull away when things get real, prioritize independence over intimacy
Fearful-Avoidant: You want connection but sabotage it when it gets too close (the push-pull cycle)
Secure Attachment: You're comfortable with intimacy and independence (rare in modern dating)
-
You can start with Dr. Lindsay by doing an Attachment Style Deep Dive - 90 minutes of your original attachment pattern, how you to love, your relationship history patterns, and a clear path forward. This is a good starting point for therapy with Dr. Lindsay and do the work together to change your life.
