Stage 1
Survival Kit
Where You Are Right Now
You're in the acute phase of grief. The shock may be wearing off, but the pain feels overwhelming. You might be:
- Struggling to accept this is really happening
- Having trouble with basic daily functions
- Experiencing physical symptoms (loss of appetite, sleep issues, chest tightness)
- Oscillating between numbness and intense emotion
- Constantly checking your phone or their social media
This is all completely normal. You're not broken. You're grieving.
The #1 Mistake People Make in Stage 1
Staying "friends" immediately or keeping the door cracked open.
Why this prolongs your pain:
- You can't heal a wound you keep reopening
- Every text, like, or interaction resets your emotional clock
- Hope mixed with uncertainty creates MORE pain than clean closure
- Your brain can't begin processing the loss if you're still engaging
The Stage 1 Rule
Create space. Not forever. Just for now.
Your Stage 1 Action Plan
Week 1: Survival Mode (Days 1-7)
1. The Clean Break Protocol
2. Build Your Crisis Response Team
Create a "2AM List" of 3-5 people you can text when you're tempted to reach out to your ex:
3. The "Craving Protocol"
When you desperately want to text them:
Week 2-4: Building Structure
Daily Non-Negotiables:
Warning Signs You Need Extra Support:
- Can't get out of bed for multiple days
- Thoughts of self-harm
- Complete loss of appetite for 5+ days
- Inability to function at work/school
If any of these apply: Reach out to a therapist or call 988 (Suicide & Crisis Lifeline)
Grounding Techniques for Overwhelming Moments
The 5-4-3-2-1 Method
When panic or intense emotion hits:
- Name 5 things you can see
- Name 4 things you can touch
- Name 3 things you can hear
- Name 2 things you can smell
- Name 1 thing you can taste
Box Breathing
Repeat 5 times
Processing vs. Wallowing
How to Tell the Difference
Processing (Healthy)
- Journaling about specific feelings
- Crying with a purpose (identifying what hurts)
- Talking to friends about the relationship
- Setting time limits on grief (30 minutes, then move on)
Wallowing (Pain Loop)
- Listening to "your song" on repeat
- Scrolling through old photos for hours
- Checking their social media multiple times daily
- Imagining reconciliation scenarios obsessively
The Rule: If it moves emotion through you, it's processing. If it keeps you stuck in the same loop, it's wallowing.
Stage 1 Journal Prompts
Daily Check-In (5 minutes)
Weekly Reflection
The "Do Not Do" List for Stage 1
Avoid these common pitfalls:
Scripts for Difficult Situations
When people ask "Are you okay?"
"I'm getting through it day by day. Thanks for asking."
When they text you
Option 1: Don't respond for 24 hours. See if you still want to after space.
Option 2: "I need some time and space right now. I'll reach out when I'm ready."
When you run into them
"Hey. I hope you're doing well. I need to get going."
(Keep it brief, polite, and move on quickly)
When mutual friends share info about them
"I appreciate you, but I'm trying not to focus on that right now. Can we talk about something else?"
Stage 1 Milestones
Track your progress:
What's Next: Preparing for Stage 2
You'll know you're moving into Stage 2 when:
- The shock has fully worn off
- Anger or frustration starts emerging
- You start questioning "what went wrong"
- You have more energy (even if it's angry energy)
- You think about them less constantly
Stage 2 is messy, but it's movement. And movement is progress.
Additional Resources
Books
- "How to Survive the Loss of a Love" by Melba Colgrove
- "It's Called a Breakup Because It's Broken" by Greg Behrendt
Apps
- Mend (Breakup support app)
- Calm or Headspace (Meditation)
- Daylio (Mood tracking)
Hotlines
- Crisis Text Line: Text HOME to 741741
- National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 988
Final Reminders
You will survive this. Not because you're exceptionally strong, but because healing is what humans do.
Bad days don't mean you're regressing. Grief comes in waves, even after you think you're "over it."
This feeling is temporary. Not the memory, not the lessons—but this particular pain. It will soften.
You're not alone. Millions of people are in Stage 1 right now, feeling exactly what you're feeling.
Be gentle with yourself. You wouldn't judge a friend going through this. Extend yourself the same compassion.