Stop Reacting. Start Relating Better.
UnPattern in Relationships
ELEVATE THE WAY YOU LIVE
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ELEVATE THE WAY YOU LIVE •
UnPattern In Relationships
You can be in a loving, committed relationship and still feel stuck in the same emotional loops.
You over-explain.
You shut down.
You feel triggered by things that seem “small” but don’t feel small at all.
That doesn’t mean the relationship is wrong.
It means old patterns are getting activated inside connection.
UnPattern is a psychology-informed framework that helps you recognize and interrupt those patterns in real time—so you can stay connected without losing yourself.
Tired of choosing the wrong people? Learn how to date with discernment, tell the difference between chemistry and compatibility, and stop settling.
You might be here because:
You’re in a generally healthy relationship—but the same conflicts keep repeating
You feel emotionally activated faster than you want to be
You intellectualize your feelings but still react in the moment
You’re tired of asking, “Is it me or is it us?”
Here’s the reframe most people miss:
Most relationship struggles aren’t about compatibility.
They’re about unexamined patterns colliding under stress.
Let Me Guide You Through This…
What “Unpatterning“ Means Inside a Relationship
UnPattern isn’t about fixing your partner.
It’s not about becoming perfectly calm or “secure.”
It’s about learning to:
Notice what’s happening inside you before you act it out
Separate old emotional conditioning from present-day reality
Respond from clarity instead of reflex
Repair faster—without blame, shutdown, or self-abandonment
In other words:
You stay in relationship with your partner and yourself.
Ways to Work With Me
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Digital Intensives
Self-Paced, Online
For when you feel something’s off and are ready to start exploring it.
Intensives are short, psycho-educational programs to help you begin to recognize your patterns, get tools for self-practice, regain clarity, and revive your emotional footing.
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1:1 Coaching Programs
Guided to Go Deeper
For when you see the pattern and want individualized, structure, accountability, and guidance applying insights in real time.
You understand what’s happening. Let’s actually change it, together!
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Individual Therapy
Therapeutic - Get foundational
For when you want personalized, deep pattern processing work tailored to your life - past, present, and future.
You’re looking for a supportive, therapeutic relationship to unpack and unpattern your history to fully understand yourself and reach your goals.
The Most Common Relationship Patterns UnPattern Helps Interrupt
1. Reactivity That Feels Urgent—but Isn’t
When your nervous system takes the lead, everything feels like a threat.
UnPattern teaches you how to pause long enough to ask:
What am I actually responding to?
Is this about now—or something older?
That pause alone changes outcomes.
2. Over-Functioning, People-Pleasing, or Over-Explaining
Trying harder isn’t the same as relating better. UnPattern helps you recognize when:
You’re managing emotions instead of expressing needs
You’re performing clarity instead of feeling safe
You’re carrying more emotional labor than you realize
3. Shutdown, Withdrawal, or Emotional Distance
Pulling away is still a response. UnPattern gives you tools to:
Stay present during discomfort
Communicate without flooding or disappearing
Re-engage without forcing closeness
4. Conflict That Never Fully Resolves
Healthy relationships don’t avoid conflict. They know how to repair.UnPattern focuses less on “who’s right” and more on:
What happened internally
What was activated
What actually needs to be repaired
What Changes When You Apply UnPattern
Instead of:
Spiraling internally while appearing “fine”
Replaying arguments days later
Wondering if you’re asking for too much—or too little
Feeling confused about whether to stay or go
You start:
Catching patterns as they’re happening
Naming needs without defensiveness
Letting discomfort exist without trying to control it
Building steadier, more honest connection
Not by changing who you are—
but by changing how you relate under pressure.
Being in a relationship doesn’t mean you’re done growing.
It means your patterns now have a live environment where they show up clearly.
UnPattern helps you work with that—not against it.
Because the goal isn’t perfection.
It’s clarity, repair, and self-led connection—even when things feel charged.
Core ValueThe relationship you have with yourself is the only constant in life - it directly shapes the depth of connection you’ll have with anyone else.
Respond from clarity instead of reflex
UnPattern in Relationships is not couples therapy and it’s not about diagnosing attachment styles mid-argument.
It’s about relational self-leadership.
Depending on the level of support you want, you can explore:
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Best for:
Pattern recognition
Practical tools
Self-paced clarity
People who want structure without pressure
Think: “I want to understand what’s happening—and interrupt it on my own schedule”
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Best for:
Repatterning in real time
Accountability
Dating discernment
Building confidence and emotional steadiness
Think:“I want one-on-one structured support with real-time practice and feedback.”
Learn more
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Best for:
Emotional distress or overwhelm
Trauma, attachment wounds, or mental health concerns
Deep relational healing
Ongoing support
Think:“This isn’t just about dating—it’s affecting my life and well-being.”
Stuck in a loop and need more insight? Get started with our free resources.
Frequently Asked Questions
Below are the most common questions I’m asked about UnPattern: Relationships.
Can the UnPattern Framework help if I’m already in a relationship?
Yes—and this is often where it’s most powerful.
Being in a relationship doesn’t make patterns disappear; it activates them.
UnPattern helps you recognize what’s happening inside you during real moments of conflict, closeness, or stress so you can respond with clarity instead of reacting on autopilot.
What if my partner is the one causing the issues?
That’s a common question—and an honest one.
UnPattern doesn’t deny real relationship issues or unhealthy dynamics.
It helps you separate:
• What’s actually happening now
• From what’s being amplified by old patterns, nervous system responses, or learned coping strategies
That clarity makes it easier to decide what to address, what to let go of, and what actually needs to change.
Do I need to know my attachment style for this to work?
No.
While attachment patterns may come up, UnPattern isn’t about labeling yourself or your partner.
It’s about noticing how you respond under pressure and learning how to shift those responses in real time.
Insight helps—but integration is what changes relationships.
Is this only for relationships that are struggling?
Not at all.
Many people use UnPattern in generally healthy relationships where:
• Communication is “good” but still feels effortful
• Emotional reactions feel bigger than the situation
• Growth feels uneven or confusing
UnPattern is for people who want to relate more consciously, not just fix problems.
How is this different from just “communicating better”?
Communication advice often focuses on what to say.
UnPattern focuses on:
• What’s happening internally before you speak
• Why certain conversations feel charged
• How emotional safety (or threat) shapes communication
When internal patterns shift, communication improves naturally—without scripts or performance.
Is this couples therapy?
No. UnPattern is individual, psychology-informed work focused on how you show up in relationships. You don’t need your partner present—or even participating—for the framework to be effective. When one person changes how they relate, the entire dynamic often shifts.
How is being alone different from being lonely?
Being alone is a circumstance; loneliness is a relationship to yourself. This program helps you cultivate connection, meaning, and emotional steadiness while single.
Will this help with recurring arguments or emotional cycles?
Yes. That’s one of its core applications.
UnPattern focuses on:
• Why the same arguments keep resurfacing
• What gets activated beneath the surface
• How to interrupt the cycle before it escalates—or shuts down
The goal isn’t to avoid conflict.
It’s to repair faster and relate more honestly.
Can UnPattern help if I feel emotionally reactive or shut down in my relationship?
Yes.
UnPattern works at the level of:
• Emotional regulation
• Nervous system responses
• Behavioral reflexes
Whether you tend to over-explain, people-please, withdraw, or spiral internally, the framework helps you slow things down and choose a different response—without forcing yourself to be someone you’re not.
What if I’m unsure whether to stay in my relationship?
UnPattern doesn’t push you toward staying or leaving.
It helps you:
• Get out of emotional urgency
• Understand what’s yours vs. what’s relational
• Make decisions from clarity instead of fear, guilt, or habit
Sometimes clarity strengthens a relationship.
Sometimes it reveals necessary change.
Either way, you’re not deciding from a spiral.
What kind of results can I expect?
Most people report:
• Less emotional reactivity
• Faster repair after conflict
• Clearer boundaries and communication
• A stronger sense of self within the relationship
The goal isn’t perfection.
It’s self-led connection—even when things feel uncomfortable.
Is this therapy or coaching?
It depends on the format you choose.
• Digital Intensives — self-paced, educational, practical
• Coaching Programs — structured, forward-focused support
• Therapy — licensed mental health treatment
Each option applies the UnPattern framework differently, so you can choose the level of support that fits your needs.
More FAQs
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This is a very common question! In addition to my PhD in Clinical Psychology, I also have a coaching certificate and can assist at whichever level you’re ready for.Coaching meetings are psychology-informed, structured, focused, and practical. We apply the UnPattern framework to your life to clearly identify patterns, and apply insight to real-time choices. This is intentional coaching focused on the present and future to help propel you into change.
Therapy sessions create a safe space to process emotions, heal from past wounds understand yourself on a deep level, and provides mental health treatment. We aim to understand the past, explore the present and build a future that feels uniquely individualized to you. Therapy is only available in California, Colorado, and Utah as those are the states that I hold licenses in.
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Schedule a quick clarity call to connect and notice how you feel talking to that person. Finding a therapist or coach that you vibe with is one of the most significant factors in reaching your goals and having a good experience.
Schedule a clarity call and let’s see if we’re a good fit to help you on your journey.
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First off, congrats on the self-awareness! Should this arise we’d talk about it and handle it openly and ethically. Your wellbeing always comes first!
If it becomes clear that therapy would better support you, we’ll pause and discuss appropriate next steps. You can also use PsychologyToday.com to find a therapist in your area.
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