Stop Reacting. Start Relating Better
—From the Inside Out.
ELEVATE THE WAY YOU LIVE
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ELEVATE THE WAY YOU LIVE •
UnPattern: Relationships Digital Intensive
You can be in a committed, loving relationship and still feel like:
The same arguments keep resurfacing
Small moments trigger big reactions
You’re doing the work—but still getting pulled off center
You don’t want to lose yourself just to “keep the peace”
This doesn’t mean your relationship is broken.
It means old patterns are getting activated inside connection.
The UnPattern: Relationships Digital Intensive is a psychology-informed, self-paced experience that helps you recognize and interrupt those patterns as they’re happening—so you can respond with clarity instead of reacting on autopilot.
What This Digital Intensive Is (And Isn’t)
This is not couples therapy.
It’s not about fixing your partner.
And it’s definitely not a “just communicate better” pep talk.
This intensive is about relational self-leadership.
You’ll learn how to:
Catch emotional reactivity in real time
Understand what’s being activated beneath the surface
Stay connected without over-functioning, shutting down, or self-abandoning
When one person changes how they show up, the entire dynamic shifts.
Core ValueThe relationship you have with yourself is the only constant in life - it directly shapes the depth of connection you’ll have with anyone else.
Who This Is For
This program is for you if:
You’re in a generally healthy relationship—but feel stuck in emotional loops
You get reactive, defensive, or withdrawn faster than you want to
You replay conversations long after they end
You’re tired of insight without integration
You want tools you can apply inside real moments—not just reflect on later
You don’t need to be in crisis.
You just need clarity where things keep getting charged.
What Changes After This Intensive:
Instead of:
Feeling hijacked by emotional reactions
Wondering if you’re “too much” or “not enough”
Carrying the emotional labor silently
Questioning yourself after every conflict
You begin to:
Catch patterns as they arise
Regulate before responding
Communicate with clarity, not urgency
Feel more grounded inside the relationship
Not because your partner changed— but because you did.
Practical Details
90-minute online course you can complete on your own schedule
Premium workbook included to help you apple the UnPattern framework to your actual dating experiences
Pricing
$147 (Introductory Offer)
Dr. Lindsay is here to help!
I’m Dr. Lindsay O’Shea (PhD), a California-based Clinical Psychologist who helps people understand and break repeating relationship patterns.
My work focuses on the space between insight and action—the moment when emotions activate, old strategies take over, and choice narrows. Rather than offering advice or labels, I help people recognize patterns earlier and respond with more clarity and self-trust.
My work bridges attachment science, nervous system awareness, and real-world relationships—without oversimplified advice or blame.
UnPattern was created for people who are insightful, self-aware, and still finding themselves stuck in the same cycles. Because knowing better doesn’t always mean choosing differently—until you understand why.
Frequently Asked Questions
Below are the most common questions I’m asked about dating.
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This is a very common question! In addition to my PhD in Clinical Psychology, I also have a coaching certificate and can assist at whichever level you’re ready for.Coaching meetings are psychology-informed, structured, focused, and practical. We apply the UnPattern framework to your life to clearly identify patterns, and apply insight to real-time choices. This is intentional coaching focused on the present and future to help propel you into change.
Therapy sessions create a safe space to process emotions, heal from past wounds understand yourself on a deep level, and provides mental health treatment. We aim to understand the past, explore the present and build a future that feels uniquely individualized to you. Therapy is only available in California, Colorado, and Utah as those are the states that I hold licenses in.
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Schedule a quick clarity call to connect and notice how you feel talking to that person. Finding a therapist or coach that you vibe with is one of the most significant factors in reaching your goals and having a good experience.
Schedule a clarity call and let’s see if we’re a good fit to help you on your journey.
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First off, congrats on the self-awareness! Should this arise we’d talk about it and handle it openly and ethically. Your wellbeing always comes first!
If it becomes clear that therapy would better support you, we’ll pause and discuss appropriate next steps. You can also use PsychologyToday.com to find a therapist in your area.
Do I need to know my attachment style for this to work?
No.
While attachment patterns may come up, UnPattern isn’t about labeling yourself or your partner.
It’s about noticing how you respond under pressure and learning how to shift those responses in real time.
Insight helps—but integration is what changes relationships.
More FAQs
Individual Therapy
Best for:
-Emotional distress or overwhelm
-Trauma, attachment wounds, or mental health concerns
-Deep relational healing
-Ongoing support
Think: “This isn’t just about dating—it’s affecting my life and well-being.”
Yes.
UnPattern works at the level of:
Emotional regulation
Nervous system responses
Behavioral reflexes
Whether you tend to over-explain, people-please, withdraw, or spiral internally, the framework helps you slow things down and choose a different response—without forcing yourself to be someone you’re not.
Can UnPattern help if I feel emotionally reactive or shut down in my relationship?
It depends on the format you choose.
Digital Intensives → self-paced, educational, practical
Coaching Programs → structured, forward-focused support
Therapy → licensed mental health treatment
Each option applies the UnPattern framework differently, so you can choose the level of support that fits your needs.
Is this therapy or coaching?
Not at all.
Many people use UnPattern in generally healthy relationships where:
Communication is “good” but still feels effortful
Emotional reactions feel bigger than the situation
Growth feels uneven or confusing
UnPattern is for people who want to relate more consciously, not just fix problems.
Is this only for relationships that are struggling?
Is this couples therapy?
No.
UnPattern is individual, psychology-informed work focused on how you show up in relationships.
You don’t need your partner present—or even participating—for the framework to be effective.
When one person changes how they relate, the entire dynamic often shifts.
Will this help with recurring arguments or emotional cycles?
Yes. That’s one of its core applications.
UnPattern focuses on:
Why the same arguments keep resurfacing
What gets activated beneath the surface
How to interrupt the cycle before it escalates—or shuts down
The goal isn’t to avoid conflict.
It’s to repair faster and relate more honestly.
Can UnPattern Framework help if I’m already in a relationship?
Yes—and this is often where it’s most powerful.
Being in a relationship doesn’t make patterns disappear; it activates them.
UnPattern helps you recognize what’s happening inside you during real moments of conflict, closeness, or stress so you can respond with clarity instead of reacting on autopilot.
What if my partner is the one causing the issues?
That’s a common question—and an honest one.
UnPattern doesn’t deny real relationship issues or unhealthy dynamics.
It helps you separate:
What’s actually happening now
From what’s being amplified by old patterns, nervous system responses, or learned coping strategies
That clarity makes it easier to decide what to address, what to let go of, and what actually needs to change.
Communication advice often focuses on what to say.
UnPattern focuses on:
What’s happening internally before you speak
Why certain conversations feel charged
How emotional safety (or threat) shapes communication
When internal patterns shift, communication improves naturally—without scripts or performance.
How is this different from just “communicating better”?
UnPattern doesn’t push you toward staying or leaving.
It helps you:
Get out of emotional urgency
Understand what’s yours vs. what’s relational
Make decisions from clarity instead of fear, guilt, or habit
Sometimes clarity strengthens a relationship.
Sometimes it reveals necessary change.
Either way, you’re not deciding from a spiral.
What if I’m unsure whether to stay in my relationship?
Most people report:
Less emotional reactivity
Faster repair after conflict
Clearer boundaries and communication
A stronger sense of self within the relationship
The goal isn’t perfection.
It’s self-led connection—even when things feel uncomfortable.
What kind of results can I expect?
Digital Intensive Courses
Best for:
-Pattern recognition
-Practical tools
-Self-paced clarity
-People who want structure without pressure
Think: “I want to understand what’s happening—and interrupt it on my own schedule”
Where should I start?
If you want tools you can apply immediately, start with a Digital Intensive.
If you want ongoing, structured guidance, explore Coaching Programs.
If you want deeper therapeutic work, Therapy may be the best fit.
Coaching Programs
Best for:
-Repatterning in real time
-Accountability
—Dating discernment
-Building confidence and emotional steadiness
Think: “I want one-on-one structured support with real-time practice and feedback.”
Blogs & Free Resources
Best for:
-Early curiosity
-Normalizing experiences
-Light insight and language
Not ideal if: You’re stuck in a loop or need support applying insight.
You might be interested in
UnPattern is a psychology-informed, educational program.
It is not psychotherapy and does not provide diagnosis, treatment, or mental health care.
Participation does not create a psychologist–patient relationship.
If you are experiencing significant emotional distress or require clinical support, please seek care from a licensed mental health professional.
If you are in crisis or need immediate support:
Call 911 or go to the nearest emergency room
Call or text 988 — Suicide & Crisis Lifeline
Text HOME to 741741 — Crisis Text Line
